


As Hard As We Could

by threatlevelmidnight



Category: Good Charlotte
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 03:04:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6356371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threatlevelmidnight/pseuds/threatlevelmidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We’d go the rest of our lives without finding someone we loved more than one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Hard As We Could

**Author's Note:**

> Coming at you live from 2004. I'm beginning to realize that these are all the same story.

It was the way he said, “I’ll miss you.” It was the break in his voice that was the break in my heart.

He kept rubbing his nose with the side of his hand and squinting his eyes and holding his breath. He didn’t want to break me. He was better than I ever would be. I couldn’t tell which was worse, the fact that I was leaving him our house, this place where everything led back to him and me, the two of us together, or that I was heading somewhere new, somewhere where everything was unfamiliar and meaningless and I would have to sit and try to decide whether to let the place force me to forget what we had or to hold onto everything I’d given up.

He was holding his breath because if he let it out he’d break down. Even when I stepped over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his neck and let my tears seep down and get absorbed into the collar of his t-shirt, he held his breath and just pinched his eyes shut. I was biting my lips and only breathing when I had to and he whispered in my ear.

“Do you think... maybe... if we tried harder?”

I shook my head and he let out his breath. We’d probably go the rest of our lives without hugging each other, at least without hugging like that. We’d go the rest of our lives without finding someone we loved more than one another, I was sure of it. He nodded his head and pulled back a little, reaching his hand up to spike my wilting excuse for a mohawk.

My teeth were chattering I think, clacking against each other, and I was trying not to believe that this kind of thing would just hurt forever. One last hug and my whisper sounded choked and hopeless, just like his had.

“We tried as hard as we could.”

It might’ve looked like a smile if it weren’t for the tears, the way he pressed his teeth together and shut his eyes as tight as he could. He nodded again and then leaned his head on my shoulder.

It was the way he said, “I’ll miss you” but he meant, “I don’t know how to live without you.”


End file.
